I live in New Jersey, where breastfeeding in public is not only legal but protected by law with a fine for violations and a short explanation (to paraphrase: breast is best and this law is designed to protect women who fear persecution for nursing in public because that’s how important breastfeeding is).
Despite this law, I have been asked to relocate and cover-up, and have been harassed for nursing my son in public no less than three times here in New Jersey (and once when on vacation in Kentucky). In the past, an explanation of the law and a firm refusal to hide myself and my baby away sufficiently defused the situation. Last Friday at Crystal Springs Aquatic Center in East Brunswick, I encountered something entirely different.
Some friends and I had arranged to spend the afternoon at Crystal Springs, barbecuing lunch, swimming with our children, and enjoying the beautiful summer weather. Our day began wonderfully. David made us some delicious burgers and hot dogs, the kids loved the small slides, and the lazy river was relaxing, as lazy rivers tend to be. After my son woke from a brief nap, we joined our friends in the swimming pool.
Since Ronin was still sleepy, he asked to nurse and I obliged. This was his position, though we were waist-deep in water at the time:
An example of the way I was breastfeeding at Crystal Springs.
A few minutes into nursing, a lifeguard came over and asked me to leave the area. Thinking quickly, my friend Kristin asked, “Why?” The immediate (and only) answer was that other patrons were offended. Being that we happened to be a group of outspoken lactivists, and Kristin being a La Leche League leader, we cited the laws protecting a mother’s right to breastfeed in any place she is otherwise allowed to be. The lifeguard left to seek out her manager.
Assistant Manager Donna Strobels approached us minutes later, with the same request that I leave the pool and cover up because other customers were offended by public breastfeeding. Again, we cited the law and refused to comply. She told us that she was going to call the police.
At this point, the bigger kids were getting tired of the pool and decided to move on to the slides. On the way there, we reiterated to Ms. Strobels that I had the legal right to nurse at the water park — at which point she agreed to talk to David but sent the rest of our group away.
After a long wait, the police showed up. Ronin and I went over to speak with them, feeling bad that David (and Malcolm, who had joined him outside the pool office) was spending so much time and energy fighting our battle. There were two officers, one male and one female. They initially agreed that I had the legal right to nurse in public, but then proceeded to spend the next hour trying to get me to say I would be more discreet. I said no each time, explaining that people are offended by all kinds of things that they might see in public.
[I'm quite certain that there are, for instance, parents who don't want their children to see a gay couple, or an interracial couple. Surely others are offended by skimpy bikinis and imperfectly toned bodies. But none of us has the right not to be offended when we set foot outside our homes. We can avert our eyes, complain to our friends, and even talk to our children about why we're so put off by what we've seen, but there is little else we can do when we see something we don't like.]
To make a long story short, our conversation with the police continued in circles for an hour. They asked me why I was unwilling to “be discreet,” and I gave them reasons — including the fact that I am a lactivist and believe that children absolutely should be exposed to breastfeeding as a normal part of life. They were bullies, as cops tend to be; I assume they expected that I would eventually concede if they held me long enough.
After an hour of the same conversation on repeat, their sergeant called them off, and they told us we were “free to go” after a final lecture on compromise and being discreet. I let them know in no uncertain terms that I would not be following their suggestions, and Ronin, David, Malcolm, and I rejoined our group.
Coming away from the situation, we laughed at the absurdity of it all, but we were also angry. The treatment we received from Ms. Strobels and the East Brunswick police qualifies as harassment, and it is nothing short of insane that the act of little me, feeding my son, could be made into a huge ordeal just because a few people are prudes and a few more are ignorant. Sadly, I am sure that I am not the first nursing mother to be reprimanded by the lifeguards and management at Crystal Springs, but I am planning to be the last.
A group of us will be returning to the water park for a nurse in one day soon. If you want to join us, check back here or email me. We will be selecting a date this week, and any breastfeeding mothers, babies, toddlers, and older children who want to join us are more than welcome.
